juz another face in the crowd...

dear all..

with effect from 1st october, this blog address will be closed. my new blog addy is http://blue-streak.blogspot.com
however, this blogsite shall not be deleted so that past entries and archives can still be accessed.

my humble apologies for any inconveniences caused.

yours,
blue streak

You're living the movie Event Horizon!


?? Which Horror Movie Are You Living ??
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Waterfall


?? Which Natural Wonder Or Disaster Are You ??
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yep that's rite.. clay aiken's new album, measure of man, will be out on october 14th, almost a whole month before ruben studdard's album, soulful. seems that clay's was finished earlier and thus, ruben, being the nice person he is, gave clay the green light to release his first.. so exciting~! hehehe

anyway, rca records have confirmed that his new single wud be a track entitled invisible, which is actually a remake of an old damage song. however, it sounds a whole lot different from the way i expected a "clay" song to be but the disparity in style should not detract you from THAT voice. indeed, the sheer power & purity of his trademark vocals is still as distinct as ever. being an avid claymaniac myself, i must say i'm a leetle bit disappointed wif this single.. it's an uptempo track, not anything too maudlin or mushy yet i didnt get any vibes when i first heard it off the net. (on the other hand, clay's solitaire & somewhere out there, performed live during AI, still manage to give me the shivers when i listen to them..) nevertheless, i am looking forward to clay's new album which indubitably wud contain a rich store of other vocal treasures for me to sample & savor to my heart's content. ;)definitely, i give clayton holmes aiken two thumbs up for his enthusiastic effort to break into the "pop" niche. (btw, his bday is on nov 30th, 1978 which makes him a saggi like me ;p )

oh yeah, i'm not as crazy over clay as i used to be but i still get agitated when pple criticize him unreasonably over his funny looks, monotonous delivery etc. therefore, i shall not tolerate anyone who plan to diss him by leaving nasty comments on my tagboard. . . so critics, u've been warned! ;O

anyhow, clay aiken isnt the only bloke making a comeback. fizzy vampy baby is OUT! woohoo~! he juz completed his ten-day confinement at PA and thus, will probably meet him sumtime over the weekend.. wonder if he has changed...?? hmmm.. whatever the case, i'm certain he will be bursting wif NS stories to share wif us and i cant wait to listen to his mellifluous singing again :) [bytheway, i've a penchant for good voices and pple who can sing is a turn-on~.. this shud be an adequate explaination fer my indecent passion fer clayaiken, mariah carey, xtina aguilera, my ex, etc etc... LOL ]

actually, i have sumthing really embarrassing to confess. i think i've mixed up my contacts again! muahahaha. though my left and right eye have only a difference of 25degrees, this slight disparity can sumtimes cause me such incredible discomfort & distress when i actually put them on all wrong. however, a 25degress difference is rather difficult to detect.. or maybe i havent mixed them up afterall.. Maybe i'm feeling headachy and it's all just the remnants of the symptoms of my flu. i was having headaches to whole of yesterday afterall... ARGH~ i cant decide which!

Quoteworthy
"Girls don't have to be pretty. they just need personality & make-up," - taiwanese actress, Shu Qi.

"People will like you less and less... " - Sun Yan Zi, on the capricious nature of fame.

Jukebox playin'
invisible - clay aiken
jeritan batinku - p ramlee
di ambang sore - broery marantika

Wow you're nice. In fact you're a bit of a doormat.
While contemplating how nice you are a dark
shadow approaches and takes you into it's
embrace. You have been bitten by a Vampire and
haved joined the ranks of the undead.


How Evil Are You Really?
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this is a terribe quiz i think. each question has four options but only one out of those four can be considered decent.. the other three options border upon sheer lunacy.. two thumbs down!! ;p

however, am pretty satisfied wif my blog.(*gives self a pat on back) finally, i've achieved the "look" and "feel" which i've envisioned in my mind eversince a couple of weeks ago.. NO, i'm not content wif juz downloading a skin off blogskins.com (though they've got some nifty skins back there..) and passing it off as mine.. i want my own Identity.. my own sense of individuality. i want my blog to be a personification of some part of me.. a part which pple can identify wif and not feel alienated against. to what extent i've achieved wat i've aspired to accomplish, i am far from qualified to say.. but i DO know however, that i'm content. at least, fer now.. muahahahaa

jukebox playin'
di ambang sore - broery marantika
tidurlah permaisuri - jamal abdillah

juz watched the first twenty minutes of the new Bachelor season yet already, i'm feeling sorry fer the poor gerls.. amongst the 25 "bachelorettes" feautured, one was definitely asian (she looked like a common china gerl) and only one looked as if she's an afro-american mix. i dont think either one of them stands a chance of getting to the next round. however, pretty boy andrew firestone may prove me wrong yet! then again, i'm not gonna get glued to the screen to see the outcome of tonight's show.. this show is juz too cruel!! guess ill leave that job to my mother~ LOL

woke up from a drug-induced sleep this morning to find that it's raining outside.. and it rained and rained til early evening i think. wat a marvellous day to spend at home juz being yr most lazy and indolent self! haha... and that's wat i precisely did but i havent got much of a choice anyway since i'm not exactly in the pink of health right now. last night, i had such a bad case of nasal congestion that i was afraid i wud juz asphyxiate myself to death cuz of insufficient ventilation to my lungs.. ;p But i didnt (how unfortunate).. two chlorpheniramine tablets were enuff to knock me out til morning despite my stuck nose. so i spent most of today in a mindless stupor, sucking on lozenges while working on my blog.. (btw, i've included a poetry section under my "personal links" section~ check it out if u've got the time..)

i finally returned my convo gown (but some call it "academic dress".. go figure!) yesterday afternoon after letting it collect dust in the corner for a couple of months. promised to meet timothy at clementi interchange at 3pm but i only arrived halfhour later... so wat's new, rite? (well, punctuality has never been part of my charm anyway. LOL ) he certainly hasnt changed much. kinda saddened to know that he's just lost his part time job but kinda relieved too that i've found one more disgruntled soul to identify wif... hehe. anyhow, after we returned our stuff & got our deposits back (which i totally forgot to bank in today) we had our late lunches in the arts fac canteen. actually, our respective faculty canteens have their own incredibly posh names (such as the Deck, the Terrace, Frontier.. etc) since last year but we never refer to them by those ludicrous monickers~ they're juz too much of a mouthful fer sumthing so ordinary & conventional! haha. but.. *sigh.. i miss the affordably-priced yet reasonably-tasteful nus food. i remember the days when i'd travel all the way to the bizad canteen juz to have decent mly food... (it's a good twenty minute trip to get there frm my fac) ARGh~! life as a student is certainly waaaaayy better than life as Watever right now!

erm.. well... anyway, forgot to mention wat i did on monday; was chillin out wif damien & tony at BB wif a couple of my other cronies.. THAT hadnt happened before! i concede that it was pretty awkward initially, (i was downright agitated)but nonetheless, all my fears were allayed later on as we had a pleasant time juz chattin away about old times & experiences.. ahaha. glad to see damien smiling again. i didnt think he wud after his mum passed away a fortnight ago. i guess, as the sondheim song goes, time heals evrything...

have very much resolved not to wallow in despair and contrition anymore than i have to. i think i did more than enuff of that yesterday when timothy & i lamented & reminisced about all our erroneous choices in our study modules. we figured that bad company & negative influences have enticed us away frm the path toward glorious academic achievement. LOL i've always had a love-hate relationship wif school.. on the one hand, i miss the hours spent in lectures, surrounded by good company but those abhorrent late nights slaving away at meaningless assignments are best forgotten!

oh yeah.. i promised to check up on juliet the orange...
they're female duo frm m'sia whose music dont really fit any distinct genre. however, i'd say that they ooze a certain folk-ish charm & angst very reminiscent of jewel & tori amos after listening to just two of their songs. (Quizzical & the days) they even garnered 10 AIM (anugerah industri muzik) nominations in 2000 which was certainly quite a mean feat.. well anyway, both are now pursuing their law degrees hence no new albums as yet.. ;)

Quoteworthy
"What does Madonna do for an encore after smooching up Britney Spears & Christina Aguilera on national television? She puts out a children's book... " - american veteran tv news anchor, Bill O'Reilly on madonna's hypocrisy.

"...our thoughts, words and actions really do affect other people around us... love really does conquer all," - madonna in an interview on a Penguin website.

jukebox playin'
bimbang - melly goeslaw
tidurlah permaisuri - jamal abdillah

my apologies to all for not blogging earlier... and also to those who had to tolerate the changes in my blog template for the last couple of days~ ;p

was a spectator at the suntec dance competition last saturday.. there were a couple of my acquaintances participating but it was too bad that they didnt walk away wif any of the top prizes. nevertheless, i think they were pretty good.. hmmm.. have u ever watched a spectacular performance and felt yr goosebumps rise? i'm like that.. and i did get the goosebumps while watching some of the dancers performing.. they were So good! damn! i almost wish i was born wif such a good sense of rhythm and dexterous coordination of my four limbs.. *bleargh* then maybe i cud show-off sum flashy dance moves in da club next time~ LOL

anyway, after that, me & my mates dropped by lau pa sat fer a sumptuous dinner-cum-supper~ (i have a certain weakness for mutton satay.. (makes my knees feel like jelly and my mouth water juz thinkin abt it. hehe) was so bloated wif food after that. Quite a miracle that i didnt puke on my way back home.

however, had an irritating sorethroat the next day. must be adverse side-effect of all that gorging on saturday. then it deteriorated to a slight cough... and then today.. presto~ i've got the flu. while it may not be SARS (or anywhere near such a diagnosis) i think this flubug is wearing me abit thin. cant seem to be thinking straight and my movements are abit sluggish. but then, THAT cud be the after-effects of the flu tablet i am taking. thankgod fer that little, yellow pill called piriton aka chlorpheniramine. hallelujah! (be warned, drug may cause drowsiness.. avoid driving or operating heavy machienery!;p )

cant wait fer anugerah later~!

jukebox playin'
over the rainbow - gillian bevan
the days - juliet the orange
bimbang - melly goeslaw

have discovered brilliant song by this m'sian duo, juliet the orange... "the days." Story; was bloghoppin & one of the sites i visited was playing it... fell in lurve wif it on the spot!!! ;-p

will find out more abt them soon...

juz woke up around halfanhour ago but the skies are lookin as if its gonna rain/about to rain/raining... i'm only making a calculated guess however as i'm too lazee to take a peek out of the windows. usually by this time, glaring sunlight wud be pouring from my windows but it isnt. such a day like this shud be spent lolling in bed, cuddling wif someone most dearest to you.. hmmm, maybe later i'll force my 3yrold niece to cuddle wif me under the blankets. hehehe

AH.. but she is turning four next january and will be attending nursery at assyakirin! *haiz* she's so grown up now & its so hard to imagine the baby she used to be.. seriously, i do hope she wont get bullied in school but then, she's such an adorable little thing, wif those huge brown eyes & halo of bouncy curls, i'm sure she'll be one of the popular, cutesy types. hahahhaa.

i really dont know why i was so zonked out last nite. i was out in the mornin, came back in time fer friday prayers, had my lunch and then napped til around 9pm.. so why was i extremely tired?? maybe i'm gettin old lah. *sigh* even now, i'm feelin abit headachy... shud i take a couple of panadols?? but i simply LOATHE swallowing those disgusting white pills! urgh~!

well anyway, i watched my dwnloaded smallville episode, "witness" yesterday.. i think the whole lana-clark-chloe love triangle thing is gettin a tad too aggravating.. lana & clark are ALways so embarrassingly coy around each other whereas clark's trite & banal one liner ("we're just friends!") makes me wanna sock him in the face.. dumbass!! but then, chloe is a bigger dumbass! why does she have the hots fer wimpy clark anyway??? and after yesterday, she's forever in debt to lionel luther who has just financed the rebuilding of her "torch" office. damn dumb blonde! grrrr! ahaha.. but anyhow, the featured villain was none other then zachary ty brian (remember him frm home improvement??) who was portrayed as a kryptonite junkie.. no kidding!! he supposedly gets super strength by inhaling melted down kryptonite fumes... whoa~ its those darn meteor rocks again! muahahahha. cant really blame the scriptwriters fer being so lame.. we're only three episodes shy of the season finale so i bet this is juz sum kind of filler... *rubs hands in gleeful anticipation* oh yeah, bytheway, i am NOT obsessed about smallville!!

i am quite tempted to fiddle wif my blog template again... argh~! better do sumthing more constructive instead... hmmm.. what shall i do??? hahhaha. but i'd much rather indulge in my indolence... what will the day bring i wonder? *sighs wistfully*


quoteworthy
"i f***ing hate this." - Kelly Clarkson, after being informed by the singapore journalist that her fashion shoot would be at the hotel lobby. Eventually, it took place in a hotel suite...

jukebox playin'
ikhlas tapi jauh - zainal abidin & sheila majid
dia - sheila majid

Morpheus


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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i need a friday post... ten more minutes and it will be saturday and hence, this will be one of my shortest entries ever.. ;-p

jukebox playing -
liza hanim, malam ini kita berpisah
liza hanim, istana cinta
liza hanim, jeritan batinku

ps: i think i'm gonna get liza hanim overdose.. *bleargh*

woke up a couple of hours ago wif the sound of raindrops pattering against the windows.. sweet music to my ears~!! however, if only i cud juz stay in bed all day & enjoy this blissful weather to its fullest... but NOT!!

my itinerary for today; have a quick lunch, then sgh fer my bro's appt. maybe meet chacha after that.. Firstly though, i gotta look fer my university transcripts.. now where the hell did i chuck those to??? i'll check under my bed.. that's where all my notes always go when they're not being used~ LOL. Its a cesspool of filth down there though.. ;p

tuesday's anugerah, though disgustingly disappointing (i juz lurve alliterations!) in many ways, have exposed me to some gems... (too bad they arent the kind i can pawn for cash though.. )

currently on my jukebox;
- liza hanim malam ini kita berpisah
- p ramlee & saloma bulan dipagar bintang
- ahmad jais gelisah

before u ask yrself "whoa is this a friends' tribute??" ... it isnt. Well.. not totally anyway. ;p the last episode of one of the funniest sitcoms to hit local television had just ended its ninth season run last monday. thankgod i had managed to dwnload and watch it cuz i was at tampines on that same nite.. and wat was i doin at such a far-flung place? more abt that later.. i'd rather blog in chronological order... hehe

last friday's picnic was pretty much covered by sum of my fellow bloggies oredi But i wud like to say that it wasnt THAT fun. many things seemed to be against us; the sand was mostly soggy, the sun was hardly shining, the beach was teeming wif kids of all ages... blah blah blah. After that, the few who remained all the way had our dinners at harbourfront's spanking, newly revamped Macdonald's. i like their concept; so chic and classy~! the staff were also very courteous & considerate. the only downside is their new uniform; reminded me of a certain secondary school in the north-west area... hmmm.. tragically, there is NO chicken mcCrispy in the new menu! horror of horrorS!! ;O When i got back home ard 10/11pm that nite, not only was i fatigued to the max, but the most aggravating thing was that i didnt even get a tan at all!! damn weather!!! @!%*#!!

i shall not even mention what i did on saturday. it's too predictable.

monday evening, i went down to tampines wif a few of the other bloggies to bid fizzy a last farewell b4 his enlistment. i hardly ever go down there unless for a VEry good reason but i must admit that tampines mall is virtually a shopper's paradise. no place in the west could rival that sprawling shopping area AND it seems to me that easties are very fortunate... so many happening places are located in the eastside; they've got the beaches (east coast & pasir ris), the hangouts (ultimate 24-hr chillout place; Changi Airport!) and malls galore (tp mall, century square, whitesands, eastpoint.. etc). It was all in all a pleasant evening BUT the utter bummer was the trip to & fro by mrt.. i think it's a good one hour train ride to lakeside~ that makes it two hours of train travel and add twenty minutes for feeder service to my plc... roughly a grand total of 3plus hours were spent on travelling! whew~!

the anugerah episode on tuesday nite was quite disappointing. the producers had decided to imitate the american idol concept but their revisions were so riddled wif flaws that its almost unbearable to watch. i think one of the female contestants was rather competent and had a distinctive xfactor.. however, the nasty voters eliminated her out of the show!! *sob*sob* my guess is that she didnt go down very well wif the show's vindictive and malicious teenage audiences (who i'm sure makes up a significant majority of the voters). it is disgusting too how only the female contestants got most of the "bad" votes and all four that were kicked out eventually were members of the fairer sex. such injustice!! apparently singapore audiences wud rather judge on the basis of looks rather than on finer qualities like vocal quality & stage persona & individuality. *haiz* on alighter note, Suhaila salam was simply stunning in her '60's inspired outfit (which of cos was in turn, inspired by the night's theme) but unfortunately, pretty face aside, she does not make a very impressionable compere.

ah well.. the norazmeen fella got thru and that is all that is important i suppose. ;p i think he and eka marina are the only likely candidates for the top prize of a pathetic 5k... LOL. i guess even prizes have a tight budget...

back on the subject of FRiends: The plot twists are really getting complex & intriguing... Rachel now has a thing for joey & the episode ended in a cliffhanger wif the both of them sharing a wet one! Muakkksss!! hehe. On the flipside, the gerl joey used to be dating ie. charli, now has a thing for ross and they snogged each other behind the potted ferns in the hotel lobby... so scandalous! poor joey saw them and that prompted him to snog rachel in the 1st place.. erm.. geddit?? even if you dont, i guess it doesnt really matter as long as the jokes and laughs keep pouring in.. and the friends cast is definitely one of the best ensemble of comedic talents to come out of hollywood!! well, too bad the next season is said to be their last... :(

haha.. so wadever! Catch ya later peepz!

spent the last hour writing a very, VERY long entry only to have my pc crashing on me... this is like the umpteenth time this week. i am SO tempted to whack the motherboard. . . *sigh

this juz isnt my day.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am the son and the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
How dare you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

There's a club if you'd like to go you
Could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own and
You leave on your own and you go home,
And you cry and you want to die.

When you say it's gonna happen "now",
When exactly do you mean? see I've already
Waited too long and all my hope is gone

---- excerpt frm How Soon Is now, by Love Spit Love, Charmed theme.

There's gotta be more to life
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

---- excerpt frm Stacie Orrico's More To Life.


PS; these are the only two mp3s i've found so far in my collection which even vaguely depicts what i'm feelin. evry other song it seems, has sumthing to do wif love. urgh~

The sound of dripping water
Outside
is driving me insane.

Would God then spare me no respite?
Even in the late hours of the night,
must He so interrupt my thoughts in spite?

But alas
the dawn draws nearer
And I am not one step closer to being saner
Than before.

And
as the night comes to a close, I wonder
why in daytime
the sound of dripping water
Outside
never drove me insane.

---- 17th September 2003.

today, fizzy vampy baby aka. mat will be joining many others at the police academy to serve their country as part of their national service. it's abit too late for him to be reading this but wherever he is right now, or whatever it is he is doing, i hope he's gonna be alrite.. ;) good luck, my friend! gonna miss seeing ya online~!

Singapore is one of the few countries in the region that practice conscription and being such a minuscule island on the world map (we're hardly an imperceptible dot!), it is almost an indispensable law becuz, there's certainly no other way by which you can force scores upon scores of youngmen to serve as militarymen, law enforcers or civil defence officers. These services, which are so essential to a country's security and well-being, arent really attracting the crowds so-to-speak, until recently with the advent of a prolonged economic depression. government jobs now bring the promise of stability and may even be lucrative in the long run.. Even my cuzzie has decided to sign up as an MP regular and HE, out of all people, i do not expect to do that! abit impulsive isnt it?? hmmm... but then singapore's military might has always been sort of a disillusionment for me... Remember that incident when one of our naval boats "collided" wif a tanker?? THAT was certainly a testament to our military vigilance isnt it?? LOL. Anyhow, my negative perceptions about national service aside, i certainly do concede that it makes better individuals out of all of us. or maybe juz most of us anyway.. ;)

well, i dont think the police is that bad & in sum ways, fizzy is bound to enjoy himself.. i've always wanted to be a man in blue myself!~ ;p The uniform looks so cool!! LOL. now i guess fizzy has a new nickname to add to the long list he already has; mAtpOlis, mAtInBlue, etc.. indubitably, these new monickers wud make him pretty irresistible in cyberspace!!! way to go, fizzy!!

enuff said! will be back wif more updates later~ ciao!

i'm definitely an insomniac. i dont need a doctor to confirm this for me as why else would i be up at this hour blogging away at my keyboard when evryone else is fast asleep? its indecent, i tell you.

anyhow, this week is gonna be over soon. in a few hours time, i'd probably be rushing off to meet tjay so that we could go down to harbourfront interchange together where we'd meet the rest of the gang. i hope i wont be terribly late.. hehe. i cant recall when was the last time i've been to sentosa. i think it was the semester before last. On a school day no less.. it was one of those occasions where someone suddenly says "let's go to sentosa!" and your brain goes "what a wonderful idea!" and there you go wifout any perfunctory planning or proper equipment (i.e. wifout the trunks, moisturiser, sunscreen, towel etc etc). although as a rule, i hate doing things on impulse, sumtimes, impulsive whims can be so much fun! they add zest to your normal, mundane and predictable life.

on tuesday, i met up wif fizzy n tjay to watch anugerah LIVE at the mediacorp studios, caldecott broadcast centre. apparently, tjay's newly acquired acquaintance has got some extra tics and the latter didnt mind if fizzy & i tagged along... well anyway, we reached novena mrt station around sevenish in the evening and took a cab down cuz we had not the slightest clue how to get there by bus. thankfully, despite heavy peak hour traffic, we reached our destination in good time. However, damn show wasnt supposed to start til 930pm so watthehell were we doing there so early?? go figure~ The place was teeming wif mats and minahs from all the corners of the island. it was rather unpleasant at first but the filler comedy act by ishak ahmad and faizal ishak was deliciously hilarious... in fact, i think it was more entertaining than the show itself. Was very disappointed that the contestant i was rooting for didnt make it to the next round but nonetheless, it was on the whole an interesting experience. i did manage to brush shoulders with (almost anyway) bashir siswo and his wife lynn nasir. (she looked so much prettier in real life than as we see her on the telly) moreover, the singer jai waved at me as he was passing by in his car. So cool~!! LOL The show ended around eleven and by then, i was so famished, i could probably eat a cow.. but the nearest place i could grab a bite was at the shell petrol station. *sigh* Fortunately, tjay and i were able to take 165 back to the west.

it was exhilirating to be able to see and hear the performances live of course but i think watching them from the confines of my comfortable and cosy living room is good enuff for me, thank you very much!! that way, i am spared 1)the hassle of dressing up nicely on the off-chance that i might appear on tv. 2)the tedious trip to the utterly inaccessible studios. 3)the discomfort of jostling against a disagreeable mly crowd. 4)having to stave off hunger pangs while making a most tiring journey back home.

i spent all of wednesday and thursday at home catching up wif the papers and making major alterations to my blog... the results of the latter are evident... I'm quite pleased wif the final product actually.. (*smug smile*)

hmmm.. hopefully the sentosa outing later wont turn out to be a disappointment. But then isnt it weird that most of the things in life that we look forward to wif enthusiasm and great expectation always turns out to be bitter disappointments while those that we dread are often never as bad as they seem to be?? ;p

have a great friday, evryone!

"Sweet Dreams" (by Eurythmics)
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused


Which 80's Song Fits You?
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You're goin' down! FOR KIDNAPPING!
Please rate if you liked!


What Would You Go to Jail For? (Many outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

sometimes that's what i think my life is --- trivial. I am trivial. i am a grain of sand on the beach... whose fate depends upon the surging of the tides. i feel so small and helpless...

i dont care if my life moves forward or backwards anymore. what is there for me tomorrow? another day. and another. and another.

the world seems to be revolving... but not with me in it. major things have been happening but i've hardly mentioned them in my blog at all. Sars came and went. The gay issue in singapore has died down fer the time being. CPF cuts looming ahead... terrorism stil rampant. Arnie running fer governor... Reichen and chip winning amazing race. charles bronson died. the iranian twins died tragically while the korean twins survived... So many events deemed newsworthy have occurred these last couple of months. my god, what have i been doing???

a couple of days ago, damien's mother passed away. she didnt even go for surgery as the doctors thought it was too risky. her heart attack the nite before had caused extensive damage to the major blood vessels of her heart.. there seemed to be no hope... i could only imagine what it was like for him to watch his mother die in front of his very eyes.

but then, i KNOw... the feeling is all too familiar. and i miss him so.. my father. Yes, zechiel.. sumtimes the pain is so great and you cannot shut it out but u still have to... ANd in my mind, i'm a little boy again... waking up in the middle of the night after a terrible nightmare, and not able to sleep, i crept into my parents' room where i'd snuggle up next to my father. And he, would make me say some prayers repeatedly until the monotonous chanting drove me back asleep... And in my mind i see him, so stern yet so fragile. So determined yet so helpless... and i see him in the hospital bed ranting intelligibly... in his wheelchair, wif his head tilted limply on one side... and at night, i hear him tossing and grumbling in his bed becuz he had soiled himself yet again.... And i hear my mother weeping when i woke at dawn... and how after the funeral, i was numb all over. and suddenly the days were passing. and life goes on.

and that is the tragedy. Life goes on... like it always would.. without fail.

i think damien is fortunate. his pain wasnt prolonged as mine was for months.. at least now he has the getting over to accomplish.. and frankly speaking, i dont think i've gotten over my father's death. maybe it's guilt. maybe despair. anger. a whole gamut of emotions to sort out and understand...

its so incredible how so much time has passed yet some things remain as vivid as the sky on a sunny day.

my alternative lifestyle have also underwent many changes and transmutations. each new experience brings forth a new life's lesson. the few relationships i've had, though some were short-lived are significant and remain poignant to me because in one way or another, i still care for those whom i've loved and who had loved me. and i wonder sumtimes about the what-ifs of life.

i think, this blog entry is devoid of meaning and direction. it has no point and no preface or conclusion. i had hoped by writing, i could achieve some clarity of thought, but i was mistaken. though very tempted to delete this entry, i will however, just let it be. my apologies to all those who have to endure this senseless meanderings of mine.

it will be dawn soon. another day will begin. life goes on..

You are the Borderline NUKE, You try to show that
you're calm, but you're ready to explode, but
in all honesty, you probably need anger
management. It will ease all that built up
anger, man, those facial ticks might be
permanent if you don't help yourself. Military
experiments are your best bet.


What anger personality do you have?
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Quark -- You are subtle and mysterious and people
know very little about you. You like hanging
out with small groups of friends (usually 3)
who you are very close to. You are usually
friends with other quarks like yourself.


What kind of subatomic particle are you?
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i woke up a couple of hours ago wif a gravity i have not felt in ages. must have had a strange and peculiar dream but i cannot remember what it was... yet it all must be related to the dour news which was conveyed to me the nite before by my ex, t. (the nature of the news may be gleaned frm zechiel's blog).

Death is an issue whose depths i could only grapple unsuccessfully wif. in absolute truth, i'd rather not pursue these thoughts i am having but it is Difficult to curb the memories... because i remember, as vivid and as clear as if it were only yesterday. I know the pain...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I measure every grief I meet
With analytic eyes;
I wonder if it weighs like mine,
Or has an easier size.

I wonder if they bore it long,
Or did it just begin?
I could not tell the date of mine,
It feels so old a pain.

I wonder if it hurts to live,
And if they have to try,
And whether, could they choose between,
They would not rather die.

I wonder if when years have piled --
Some thousands-- on the cause
Of early hurt, if such a lapse
Could give them any pause;

Or would they go on aching still
Through centuries above,
Enlightened to a larger pain
By contrast with the love.

The grieved are many, I am told;
The reason deeper lies,--
Death is but one and comes but once,
And only nails the eyes.

There's grief of want, and grief of cold,--
A sort they call "despair";
There's banishment from native eyes,
In sight of native air.

And though I may not guess the kind
Correctly, yet to me
A piercing comfort it affords
In passing Calvary,

To note the fashions of the cross,
Of those that stand alone,
Still fascinated to presume
That some are like my own.

---- CXVI, Emily Dickinson. frm Part One:Life of Complete Poems.

well well well.. Its early monday morning. and it's REALLY freakin early! LOL

i juz finished tweaking my blog template (Again) and i muz admit that i'm pretty satisfied wif it right now. i've put in many, many hours fiddling wif my pictures using adobefotoshop and choosing the perfect colors for the font, background etc... by now, my blog is completely unrecognizable frm the original template which i conveniently downloaded off the net a week or so ago. Actually, wat prompted my hurried makeover was my unforeseen finding yesterday; as i was surfing some blogsites at random (looking for some inspiration to personalize my blog), i came across one which was using the exact same template & color scheme as i was... aghast at my own lack of originality, i resolved immediately to give my blog the makeover which is long overdue.. SO here it is, folks! :)

Anyhow, blogsites aside, i've had a pretty decent weekend. after my bro's appt on thursday, went down to marina to meet sum of the gang fer a round of bowling. as usual, i was the lousiest of the lot and my muscles ached so much.. :( i didnt know bowling cud be such a strenuous activity! anyway, stayed home friday nite to recuperate but i cudnt really recall what i did to past the time though... Saturday, i was chilling out at home during the day and it was soooo serene and peaceful. my sister's family At long LAst decided to spend their weekend at their own home at jurEast and thus, for once in a loooong while, the house was devoid of the endless chaos and ruckus of small kids. met up wif some of the gang in the evening to hangout at cityhall b4 clubbing at tabz. it wasnt really a great nite, unfortunately...

Overnited at chacha's plc and upon waking up, we watched two movies in a row (well, almost two movies anyway) and i must admit, despite previous doubts regarding jennifer lopez's acting skills, Maid In manhattan is a pleasantly entertaining movie. 3/5 stars! but of course, the plot is such fairytale material that it borders upon being crappy but i think the movie is saved by j.lo's natural charisma and ralph finnes' dashing brit accent. however, i dont think they've got a chemistry goin between them.. :( ...WAdEveR.

got home by 7pm juz now, in time for a shower before greeting my nieces a warm welcome.. *hurrah* i really miss little Azie (or more affectionately known as Adek). i cannot imagine her in nursery nxt year as she can hardly speak properly yet. she did a little doraemon dance for me juz now and sang the entire chorus of this year's national day theme song (in baby-speak of course)... and wif her irrepressible smile and bouncy little curls, i cudnt help but shower her wif little kisses and hugz... hehehe.

that's it fer now. will update again later on i expect... :)

Let down the bars, O Death!
The tired flocks come in
Whose bleating ceases to repeat,
Whose wandering is done.

Thine is the stillest night,
Thine the securest fold;
Too near thou art for seeking thee,
Too tender to be told.

---- Emily Dickinson, Complete Poems. Part IV, Time & Eternity.

AAAAH! You're FLUFFO! You are mean to EVERYONE,
except those who may feed you or pet you.
You're small and fast, like a little black
cloud, so people often underestimate your
strength. Bad idea! You kick serious ass! You
go psycho and attack people for no reason,
usually right as they're petting you and you're
purring. You've been known to leap on
Rosiekins, and bite her neck and head viciously
when she's trying to sleep. You spend most of
your time in her room, because you're
manipulative, and knows she will feed you.
MEEEEEAN KITTY! But AAAW, FWUFFY! WE WUV YOU!


Which CAT Are YOU?!
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ps: did this quiz twice but stil got the same black cat. Anyhow, there were only 4 possible results and thus chances of getting fluff is 25% each time... maybe it's really true?? NAh~ ;p

hmmm.. my friend HQ, Chacha & i are unanimous on this one; reese witherspoon's eagerly anticipated followup to her smash hit a couple of years back, is disappointing...

i caught the sneak preview yesterday wif chacha at jpoint (where-else makes for good last-minute movie watching??) and it turned out to be one of the greatest regrets of the year. It's a regret NOt because i watched it (becuz i wud have watched it eventually anyway as i lurved the 1st one) but because reese witherspoon's comic talents are WAsted on such a piece of TRash. comparisons to the first legally blonde movie wud, however, dispel all puzzlements why this time round, blonder is not better. firstly & most significantly, it is not helmed by the same director, thus explaining the vast disparity in plot and cinematography. LB2 is riddled wif lame one-liners, cheap & distasteful comic twists (the one about gay dogs is NOT funny) and camera shots that remind me of a bad, made-for-television movie. Even hallmark tv specials have greater aesthetic value. Moreover, a lacklustre script wasnt able to bring out the potential of its promising supporting cast; luke wilson & jennifer coolidge (emmet & paulette respectively) are pushed to the verymost sidelines whereas newbies sally field, regina king, bob newhart & j barton (de only cutie in de show) were working commendably hard, no doubt, to bring originality & realism to their roles but How cud they when their lines reek of cliches and cheesy jokes galore??? and i miss Selma Blair!!!! where'd she go?? :( there is an abundance of gaudy pink in all shades imaginable which, though seemingly charming and sweet in the first movie, is an overkill in LB2. definitely deserving a dismal 2.5/5 stars but due to my unfailing support for mrs witherspoon-phillipe... 3/5 stars! ;p

(an avid fan of LB might notice this: in most countries, LB2 is tagged with "red, white and blonde" but in others (eg. s'pore) the tag is "bigger, bolder and blonder." the former is more tasteful & subtle of course but the latter seems so much more promising especially when targeted at dense asians wif too little an appreciation for subtleties. but if u go wif the latter, i'd guess there wud be greater room fer disappointment. And irony too. Bigger, Bolder, Blonder? MOst deFinitely, beyond a flicker of a doubt. But not Better or on par wif the original, sadly... haha.. But then, watch the movie either if u simply luuurrvvee witherspoon/B-grade comedies or in dire need of a fashion inspiration~! LOL)

oh well; today's itinerary- shower (yes, its almost 1pm & i'm stil smelly~;p ), go fer a haircut (maybe?), have lunch and then accompany my bro fer his sgh appt. he's seeing dr tanhankim again today.. dat old grouch. And if he asks, one more time, why he has never met our mum or dad, i'm gonna.... erm.. smile weakly... i rarely lose my temper wif strangers and even if i do, i'd probably be too dumbstruck to say anything and thus my elegant acidic wit is gone to waste. isnt dat always the case?? muahahahha. Anyway, my plans after that are totally vague and hazy at the moment. Evrything will flow smoothly later i expect..

PS: am FInally Satisfied wif my template. i'd probably change the colors sumtime in the future but the layout is staying fer good. And YEs - the little boy on the left is me when i was still a smiley, innocent young thing and if u dont see the image, pls leave a Holler on my shoutbox so that i can do sumthing about it... :)

juz changed my template again. i really, really have got too much free time in my hands.. haha. Anyway, this one has got pretty nice shades of purple but i think the font color needs sum tweaking... :P

anugerah on suria juz now was abit disappointing... two of my fave acts, nordin and his sister (singing Dua Insan) and the idris fella who sang an oldie hit didnt make it to the next round. (the former werent spectacular but they showed quite good harmony while the latter had a good tone i think..) Au contraire, the gerl who simply RUined sheila majid's kumohon got thru and so did the two clowns Do-Ni-du or sumthing.. So crappy. however, my other faves, norkhail and nor azmeen pulled thru splendidly as i thought they would... SO happy! muahaha. where voices are concerned, both of them have got very distinctive vocal tones and texture and have quite good ranges. i'm sure they wud go pretty far.. on the whole, the males were more impressive than the females i think.. why is that so, i wonder?? anyway, suhaimi yusoff is starting to get on my nerves and his jokes and slapstick humor are getting kinda lame. suhaila salam is too green to make an impact and her enunciation is horrendous.. at times, i think she's juz mumbling her lines. oh well, at least she's prettier than suhaimi.. LOL. but why cant they juz hire najip ali and sarah sechan as hosts or sumthing?? those two kick ass!!! *woohoooo!!*

ah, well.. it's getting late.. so i'll blog again sumtime later.. Ciao~

yep - that's wat i've been feeling recently... feels like i'm stuck in a knot-hole wif no idea how to unstuck myself.

anyway, i really think i shud blog more regularly but for the life of me, i cant seem to do so. Lack of time? well THAT's certainly not even a lame excuse.. harhar. i think i juz dont have the mood for it, i guess. oh well...

last friday evening, went out wif sum of the guys fer an impromptu game of bowling.. i totally SUCK at it bigtime and my right arm ached like crazy after that. but before that, had dinner at cavana at fizzy's suggestion and i must say it was pretty delish except that blackpepper chicken is Waaaayy too spicy & hot fer my tastebuds.. and sizzling hotplates are juz a tad too scary to handle. LOL (yeah.. i'm such a dastardly coward alrite?? ;P )

saturday was tabz nite again and fer once, nobody was even the slightest bit high.. wat an achievement! nevertheless, in spite of that fact, we stil managed to enjoy ourselves reasonably well (i think) and i got to know this pretty little young thing named Shayma (or shima or shema or wadever) who hails from bedok reservoir. she's just so irresistibly sweet.. but too bad i'm not an eastsider. LOL. Frankly speaking, i've never noticed her around before but she claimed to have seen ME a few times at tabz. Juz goes to show wat an observant person i am... hahaha

stayed home sunday and caught tim burton's ultra hip and gothic masterpiece "sleepy hollow" starring some of my fav. actors; johnny depp, christina ricci and miranda richardson (as the evil conniving villainess) who are juz so delightful to watch as they bring depth and originality to their otherwise, conventional characters. playing ichabod crane's faithful and stalwart assistant is young marc pickering who caught my eye instantly becuz 1)he looks like colin hanks frm felicity and 2)he's kinda cute. hehe/ anywayz i've always liked tim burton's movies becuz they've got this certain gothic feel and edge about them which is refreshingly different frm other hollywood films. johnny depp too is another reason for watching. though he isnt much of a dashing-hero type, yet his onscreen intensity more than often compensates fer any of his other shortcomings... moreover, christina ricci has been a fave of mine eversince i caught her as wednesday in the adamms' family movie remake a number of years back. (then, she was stil sporting cute black pigtails and her boobs were much much smaller ;p) Although the sleepy hollow legend is such an old, often-told tale, mr burton stil manages to inject new blood (literally and figuratively) into this story by combining an able and talented cast wif an engaging storyline and some interesting special effects. despite the blood and gore (which is to be expected since this is a story about a decapitating horseman!) i dont think this show fits the category of a horror-flick. But very entertaining nonetheless... 4/5 stars!

also watched "the labyrinth" (downloaded last week) which is an old retro movie starring a very young and innocent-looking jennifer conelly and a disturbingly androgynous david bowie (in his prime). Comprising of a flimsy plot held together by a handful of rock-musical sequences (sung by david bowie, no less) this show may prove only entertaining for the kids and much of a bore fer adults unless u're a staunch davidbowie fan. however, the puppet wizardry provided by jim henson's creature shop is certainly way ahead of its time and is rather fascinating to watch. the plot goes sumthing like this: young gerl accidentally curses baby step-brother to be spirited away to the goblin kingdom. she has to go thru an elaborate labyrinth to get to the goblin castle where her bro is held prisoner. failing to do so by midnite wil turn the latter into a baby goblin (how cute!!). time and again, she is thwarted by the evil goblin king (played by davidbowie of course). 2.5/5 stars... hmmm. this movie seemed so cool when i watched it as a kid but now.. it's juz so lame!! hahaaha

*sigh* havent been to the cinemas fer ages. i wonder what nice shows might be showing at jurong point's GV... hmmm.. i've done sum final tweaking to my blog layout but sumhow am stil dissatisfied.. will there be a new template in the works?? let's just see.... :P

Where do these dead dreams go, in what never-land, will their souls reside
Once they vanish from your hand like snow melted by sunlight?
Is it to where discarded reveries hang thick and empty castles on clouds abide?
Before, aglitter with hope and promise; now, filled with despair and blight?

The world goes on turning, oblivious to the tragedies of my life.
It makes each passing day, each waking moment, a pain I must surpass.
But how do broken hearts heal? How do broken hearts survive?
Maybe they only mend imperfectly, like pieces of shattered glass

So now I walk these streets again where the aspen leaves are falling.
In the rain the lamplights cast a warm and misty glow.
But these familiar things I care not, nor where-to I am going,
For my lonely heart, shall always be where cruel winter winds blow.

---- circa 2001

You are Phoebe!!!!!


Which Charmed Character Are You Most Like?(New and Improved!!!!)
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